2016-01-03 I keep walking away from God

QUESTION
I have been a Christian for about 14 years. Once on fire. I have repetitively walked away from God over and over. I have come to the point of feeling a little like I never was a Christian in the first place.

I feel broken and feel like I can never be a Son of God. What hope is there?

RESPONSE
Thank you for your very vulnerable question. The mere fact that you have taken the step to raise this question indicates that there is hope. Where there is a struggle, there still is life. The mere fact that you are struggling with what it means to be a Christian means that being a follower of Christ is something of value to you. Asking these questions and having these struggles help us “own” our faith (make it our own), rather than just “inheriting” it from others.

From what you have said it sounds like you are struggling with a sense of your own flawed faithfulness to God. Many Christians have felt the same thing at one point or another. If this is a struggle which comes to characterise your Christian life (as opposed to a once in a while kind of thing), I want to invite you to reflect upon these 2 important verses in the Bible (allow me the liberty of paraphrasing):-

“But now, apart from our faithfulness to the works of the Law, God’s faithfulness has been revealed to us – the covenant God made with His people – which is fulfilled through the faithfulness of Jesus which is available and accessible for all of us who believe.” – Romans 3:21-22.

Essentially, Paul is saying that to be part of the family of God is no longer a matter of our faithfulness. It is a matter of the faithfulness of Jesus and our faith in Him. So the question you should ask yourself is: am I trusting in my faithfulness to God, or am I trusting in Jesus’ faithfulness to God?

As the Scripture says:

“Even when we are faithless [perhaps another word could be “unfaithful”], He remains faithful.”

God holds on to you even while you may not be holding on to Him. That is the wonder of grace.

I believe it would be of great benefit for you to seek out someone whom you consider to be spiritually mature, who’s Christian life is characterised by a confidence and joy in God, and share your struggles with them. We’d be happy to help you.